A South Park fanfic: So close and yet so far
by Samael-Grigori
Summary: A fight breaks between the boys, a fight that will change the course of their lives. Can they go back and save their friendships and save themselves. Can friendship be redeemed after a wrong doing?
1. Chapter 1

SPfic: Separation

**Part one**

_We spend our whole lives looking for a special someone, a soul mate to make us feel complete … The long awaited day arrive: we have found the one …. But what if that special someone, the soul mate we've yearned for, for so long happens to be a guy? …_

" How long has it been? " – I think as I lay on my bed with my eyes closed, troubled by the memories of the previous months, feeling my heart eaten by pain and guilt once again. – " Why can't I forget? … Why did this have to happen to me? … When did it all start? " - Immediately those memories start playing in my mind like a movie.

I remember we had no school that day, we had all agreed to go to the park and play some football for a while, until we could come up with something better to do; Craig, Tweek, Thomas and Clyde teamed up, while Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and myself joined forces against them. When we got tired of playing we sat on the grass, making small talk about random things and our upcoming graduation, we were all very excited about this, but also scared and sad about the future and the changes that awaited us. Tweek left at around 2: 30 pm because he had promised his dad earlier to help him out at the Coffee shop; ten minutes after this it was Clyde's turn to leave, he had to get ready for a hot date with one of the Raisin's girls, though i can't remember if he said that it was with Lexus, Porsche or Mercedes, one thing's for sure, he was really excited about this; it was almost 3: 00 pm and we were getting a bit hungry, Craig and Thomas left because they were gonna go hunting and camping with Craig's dad after dinner; the rest of us agreed to go to Shakey's pizza, we were in the mood for some italian food and didn't feel like going home yet. We got there in fifteen minutes, since it wasn't very far from the park; as we went in, we noticed that the place was kinda packed, mostly by families enjoying their day off and the nice weather. We went to our usual spot, in a booth at the back of the place, near the jukebox, somewhat apart from the rest of the other tables, were we could have a bit of privacy to talk about boys stuff, without being bothered or heard. Kenny asked Kyle for some quarters to put in the jukebox, so he could hear his favorite song while we ate our pizza; this was his routine whenever we came here, he just had to hear that damn song over and over. Of course we ordered the usual, large meat lover's extra cheese, extra sauce pizza for the fat ass, large peperoni, peppers and black olives for Kenny and an extra large veggie deluxe, extra cheese pizza for me and Kyle, and four large sodas.

Cartman and his girlfriend of one week, Patty Nelson, sat together, Kenny, Kyle and myself shared the other side of the booth; Cartman being the jackass that he was tried several times to taunt Kyle, threatening to take off his hat, as a way to impress his lame ass girlfriend; of course, Kyle got exasperated quickly and began to punch him repeatedly on the arm while standing over the table, forcing Cartman to plead with him to stop; kyle left him be and continued to joke around with me and Kenny as he was doing before the interruption. This made Cartman angry, so needing someone to bully, he turned to the next easiest target: Kenny; he started throwing pennies and crumbs at him, mocking him for being poor. Kenny ignored him for a while, we told Cartman to fuck of and leave him alone, but Cartman knew what wounds to poke, so he chose Butters as his next topic, making fun of him and calling him names; that's when the argument erupted between them:  
- " What the fuck do you know about Butters you fat fucking piece of shit? " – Yelled Kenny angrily at the massive idiot with red jacket that sat across the table from him, while the dark haired girl played with his well kept brown hair, looking at him as if he were the 8th wonder of the world. She had arrived some ten minutes after we got there, we figured that the fat ass had called her when he went to the bathroom; he always did this, mostly to annoy us, because she really had no business being here, seeing how I never brought Wendy along and Kenny never brought any of his girlfriends either.

- " I know more than you do Ken, believe me i do " – Cartman replied with a smirk, playing with the napkin dispenser – " He's been a very good minion and follower you know? He always does what I want him to do, when I want him to do it and how I want him to do it, more than what I can say about the rest of you stupid fags " - His girlfriend laughed stupidly and kiss him on the cheek, he looked both pleased and proud.

- " Oh noes you guys " – Kenny looked at us with pleading eyes, while pulling the cords of his hood a bit tighter, so that only his blue eyes could be seen, adding more drama to his performance – " I have offended my " supah powah best friend forever! Kill me now quick! " – he said jokingly trying to stab himself with a napkin " –

- " Oh my God Kenneh killed Kenny! " – I exclaim suppressing the urge to laugh.

- "You bassstarrrd! " – Came Kyle's voice, chucling .

" What makes you think you're so high and mighty laird ass? " – Continued Kenny in a monotonous voice – " I assume that you really expect us to feel terrible about your retarded comment because you've been such an awesome and supportive friend to us all these years, right fatty? I know what you did whenever I died you fat fuck – Kenny scolded, letting go of the cords and pulling at his hood to loosen it – " Reality is Cartman, no one gives a flying fuck about you, you know that, so stop living in denial " – He got up and walked to the jukebox to put another quarter in it, to get the jukebox to play that silly song again.

- " Guys the pizza is here, so can we please eat in peace? I don't wanna be disturbed while I eat, so can you put all this bickering on pause for a while? " – Kyle asks looking sternly at the two of them, as he tries to cut a slice from the pizza that the waiter had left on our table.

- " Kyle is right you guys, can you please stop this shit for right now? I mean I know how much you love to make an ass of yourself Cartman but meal time is sacred, you should know this Mr Beefcake " - I rolled my eyes at the sight of them glaring at each other. - " It's getting so goddamn boring " –

It bothered us to be caught in the middle of yet another altercation. We tried to ignore them, focusing on our food, while the song continued to play in the background. They stopped for a while granting our wish of eating in peace, but as soon as he saw that we were no longer eating, Cartman went at it again. Kyle looked at me, his light green eyes like shiny beads, pleading me to do something about it, but all I could do was turn away before he caught me blushing, I shook my head and shrugged, trying to let him know that there was nothing I could do to stop them.

The argument was soon getting so heated that a couple of times some of the waiters came to our table to quiet us down, pleading with us to behave; apparently the people on the nearest tables were beginning to complain about the loud arguing and cursing that was taking place. Kyle and I apologized every time, trying our best to play mediator several times after that to no avail; we were getting tired I guess, of the looks on the faces of the people around us, who were having their nice, quiet family meals interrupted by two feuding potty- mouthed teenagers; it was embarrassing and annoying, sadly the mentioned teens had no intention of listening or stopping their bickering any time soon, they just ignored the warnings and pleas and continued to insult, curse, taunt and intimidate one another, like they always did when a disagreement put them against each other … It never went beyond that … Today however, all that was about to change.

- " Quick Kenny put the rest of the slices in your pockets!!! " – Cartman yelled, shoving a large slice of pizza into one of the pockets in Kenny's parka, ripping it.

- " What the hell? Look what you did you asshole! " – He looked shocked and very pissed, Cartman knew how much did kenny care for his Parka, he knew that his parents didn't have money to buy him new clothes, whenever he decided to ruin them; Kenny looked very hurt – " Stop that you fucking asshole! What the fuck is your damn problem? You are such a fucking joke, you know that dumb ass?! " – Kenny took out the pizza from his pocket and threw it at Cartman; there was now a huge hole in the front of his parka, the fabric from the pocket hanging loosely; Kyle handed him some napkins and looked at me, I nodded; I knew what that look meant, he wanted to help Kenny get a new parka and I had agreed to help him; we will use our allowance for it.

- " Fuck you Kenny, you poor starving rat! " – Answered Cartman with a sneer – " I was just trying to help you take some food to your starving relatives you dick; do us a favor and go fuck that penniless drunk you call mom and continue the inbreeding! " – He threw tomato sauce from the spaghetti plate onto Kenny's face; again his girlfriend giggled at his "joke" but stopped as soon as she saw me and Kyle glare daggers at her.

- " Why do you have to be such a douche bag you fat fuck? You are such an asshole! " – He kicked Cartman's leg under the table.

_ " Shut up you fuck … " –

Kenny had stopped him from finishing his sentence, without a warning he threw a quick punch at his pudgy face, making him hit his head hard against the wall behind him. Kenny punched him again in the mouth, once he was able to steady himself on the table, spilling our drinks and kicking the remaining pizza slices onto the floor; Cartman's lip was cut, swollen and bleeding and he had a black eye. Patty, who had been sitting next to Cartman hugging him, moved away from him quickly and shrieked in terror. Kenny sneered and, pulling Cartman by the hair, slammed his huge head against the wall a couple of times; we could tell he was really pissed.

The manager seeming to have had enough of all the bickering and fighting, walked to our table to kick us out of the joint. We obeyed sheepishly, feeling embarrassed and angry; our feet hadn't finished touching the sidewalk when Cartman tried to hit Kenny from behind with his massive right fist, being the sneaky bastard that he was, but Kenny being more fit and agile was able to avoid it, tackling the fat ass and punching him with both fists. He was soon pinning down the red blob that had dared to insult his mother; he was furious; his usually calm and handsome features, distorted now by the rage that was taking over him at the moment, making him punch over and over, while Patty looked on distraught and about to get hysterical. Can't blame Kenny though, I would've done the exact same thing; Cartman had it coming.

If i'm not mistaking, the real issue between these two began when Cartman asked Wendy out some days after she broke up with me for the 1000th time, around seven months before this fight; this really upset Butters, for some strange and unknown reason none of us could really figure out; Cartman would show off his new girlfriend, walking around like a peacock at school and at our usual hang outs; Craig, Kyle, Kenny and me, did our best to help Butters overcome the extra bullying he was suffering at the hands of Cartman who was already using him as his wrestling dummy and was now being taunted for not having a girlfriend; we all did the best we could to talk to him and advice him, so that he would be able to stand up for himself, though I have to say that most of the support came from Kenny; this made them become very close, they would hang out and team up whenever they could, turning into the best of friends soon enough, something that did not suit Cartman at all, he still saw Butters as his minion, his puppet and his pet; this made him sick, being the fucked up and paranoid homophobe that he was, taking every opportunity he could get to humiliate and insult Butters, who was easiest to intimidate thanks to his parents being bigger homophobes than Cartman was, and who had long suspected and feared that their son might be gay; Cartman was soon opting to humiliate him in front of everyone in town, not just in front of the whole school like before, he would taunt him whenever him and Kenny were together, his bullying and his threats becoming more cruel and serious; we were all very concerned that Cartman's lies and bullying would have Butters sent to that stupid camp he'd been sent to years before, after being caught by his father in his room, about to put Cartman's minuscule dick in his mouth so that he could take a photo and "prove he was not gay" ; we honeslty didn't want Butters to be sent away, we didn't want him to suffer, we didn't want him to get in trouble with his strict, close- minded parents. We gave them all the love and support we could; they continued to grow closer, their bond stronger every day, they nurtured each other emotionally and had become each others companion. The rest of the guys took Cartman's insults and threats as just another day in the life of a bitter, fat bully against his favorite target, and that was a good thing, Butters didn't need more stress and teasing at that moment.

Ever since we were little, we had suspected Butters to be kinda gay, we learned along the way how to appreciate him and love him as he was, so it didn't really surprised us when he confided in Kyle and me, the fact that he was now sure he was very much bi-curious, we were all expecting him to come to terms with this sooner or later, when the time and his minset were right; Kenny on the other hand, had been a ladies man ever since we started Jr High and it was only natural that he would continue to be like that in High School; he was never seen with a girl for more than a week or two, always on the lookout for the next pretty face to take to Stark's Pond; he was able to find in Butters the perfect confident, someone to talk to, someone who'd listen, someone who understood was suffering was all about; he would often give Butters advice on how to be strong, he gave him tips on how to pwn the fat ass, he taught him some comebacks he could use, he helped him learn how to stand up for himself when no one else was around to rescue him, he helped him learn how to be more confident, how to better his self-esteem, he helped find a way to cope with all the insults and bullying that Cartman was sending his way, he helped him feel better about himself, when his confidence would falter; they were a great source of comfort, friendship and support for one another.

Butters would often tell us how frustrated and angry he had felt in the beginning and how confused these new discoveries and emotions made him feel, but he decided after long nights of deep thinking, that he would accept himself rather than spend the rest of his life in denial, wasting his precious life on self hate, bitterness and regret; he accepted the fact that he liked both boys and girls, it was fine with him if people liked it or not; if he would get beat up or insulted, he would heal and continue to live to the fullest with his head up and his heart in peace with who he was; he seemed very content and proud of this; I guess Butters confidence and self awareness was what helped us understand and accept his decision more easily, he was still after all, the same kind hearted, naïve and well mannered kid we all knew; Kenny really did Butters a lot of good, and I wish the adults would see that before judging and making such a big deal. Cartman resented Kenny for this, though mainly because he wasn't able to manipulate Butters into doing the crazy shit he wanted him to do and because Kenny would now take Butters side in any argument that he started and would defend him no matter what.

Cartman resented the rest of us too, because we would always take Butters and Kenny's side and would spend lots of time with them, rather than with him, his annoying girlfriend, and their stupid friends; although this wasn't really our fault, ever since he joined the wrestling club and the politics club in Junior High School, he barely socialized with us or answered our calls, he was never home and often stood us up to go with his club mates; he soon became a well respected member of such clubs and started going out with girls, something that made him even more annoying and cocky, specially since only a few of us had dated any girls since the fourth grade, though not because we didn't have any girls chasing after us, it was more that girls had stopped being of interest to some of us; so he was always making excuses for his not showing up or hanging out with us, if it wasn't the club, it was a girlfriend; and in the scattered occasions when he would join us it would be very late and always accompanied by his latest, obnoxious girlfriend, and then he would just ignore us to make out with her. Also since Junior High began, we started spending more time with Craig, Thomas, The Mole, Gregory, Tweek, Pip, Clyde and even Damien; we would hang out after school and go to our houses, the park or the pizza parlor; apparently this made Cartman very angry and upset, he would take every opportunity to let us know how much he hated us, he even dubbed us the traitor mob, even if he had been the one to stray.

They both continued to beat each other up on the sidewalk, well it would be more fair to say that Kenny was doing the beating, Cartman was mostly occupied trying to shield himself from all the punching and kicking; Kyle and I tried to stop them a couple of times but failed; I tried to pull the fat ass away, which proved to be a very difficult task due to his fucking weight and the fact that my arms were not long enough for his whale-like dimensions; Kyle on the other hand,was doing his best to get a very pissed Kenny off of Cartman, he was really giving the fat ass the beating of his life; on our last attempt at separating them, Kyle took a punch in the eye that was meant for Kenny and I got elbowed in the cheek, so fearing for our safety, we let them tear each other apart.

Officer Barbrady was soon called to the scene by the manager of Shackey's pizza, who was getting extremely annoyed because the fight was attracting a very large crowd that was beginning to gather right outside the joint and around the fighting duo, "threatening" to shoo away customers; Officer Barbrady threatened them with taking them both to the police station and calling their parents, so naturally, the fight stopped. That's when Cartman decided to plunge what was left of his friendship with Kenny deeper into the abyss, by screaming at the top of his lungs:  
" Well good luck with the ass humping you sick fuck, hope Butters' ass wont droop from all the ramming your doing, you horny son of a drunken whore; hope he's paying you well, so you can at least buy some food " - He laughed hard and loud and walked away, his girlfriend flipped us off – " Don't forget to use a rubber, we don't want your dick covered in dung " –

This caused the onlookers to start whispering and gossiping among themselves; I guess it must've been shocking to them to "learn" that our school's leading man was doing "sexy times with a guy" and what was worse, with the insinuation that he was getting "payed for it". Of course this was nothing but lies, but the damage had been done, and the rumours and gossip would soon follow and spread like widlfire, especially since fucking Millie and fucking Nelly were among the bystanders who were taking video of the fight from the start; in fact, they were actually the ones responsible for distorting the truth even further and continuing the damage after they uploaded that video onto the school intranet and yewtube.

We ignored them and looked at Kenny, who looked pale and shocked; we stood beside him, I patted him softly on the shoulder and ruffled his hair, Kyle put his arm around his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look, we were trying our best to comfort him and reassure him that we were on his side, that we loved him no matter what; Kyle was about to say something and turned to face him, but before we could do anything, he took off without saying a word or looking back at us. We stood there, frozen in shock, not being able to believe that Cartman would do such a thing to his so-called best friend.

Kyle and I learned a couple of days later, after finding Craig and Clyde at the park, that Butters had been sent to the same crazy camp he'd been sent to years earlier, when his father went nuts at the possibility that he might be bi-curious and wanted him cured of it fast, no matter what it took to have him "fixed". So our worst fears had materialized: Butters had been sent away once more, sent away from us his friends, and that really saddened us a lot, because we couldn't go there to show him our love and support, in fact, none of us knew where this place was. But that was not all, they told us that Butters had been psychologically tortured by hi parents after word spread out about their "relationship"; Cartman made sure to blow things out of proportion and spread horrible, outrageous and bizarre lies about their " kinky gay sexcapades " it was so sick, the whole town went berserk; ironically, Kenny and Butters were not even into each other, they were just the best of friends. Butters had been tormented and brainwashed by his crazy parents day in and day out, he had promised his father that he would go through with the program and get cured of his " disease " like his parents would call it. They say that Butters was terrified and heartbroken, he spent a week in their basement, chained like a dog, with barely any food or water. We felt awful for him; Kyle was very worried that he might try to kill himself; I was able to ease his worry a bit after telling him what Butters once told me, when I was hanging out with the Goth Kids after my break up with Wendy; I knew he would never think of death as an option because Butters loved life too much, he was a very optimistic and positive person, very faithful and true to his beliefs. Kyle was bemused.

We did not hear from Kenny for almost two weeks, we knew that he had died after the beating his father gave him; we called him on his cell phone often but got no answer; we assumed his parents or maybe his brother Kevin, notified our school about the reason for his absence because the teachers never asked us where he was; you see even if the whole town knew that Kenny died often, teachers and friends would still ask about him when he did not show up to school the following days. We went to his house and were informed by his little sister Karen, that he hadn't been home in days; his older brother Kevin, didn't know anything about his whereabouts either, all they knew was that their parents had a huge argument over Cartman's lies, and that it had been so bad, that it made Kenny storm out of the house in tears, after hearing them blame one another for him being a "sick perv".

We asked around and looked everywhere for him. Some were finally able to tell us where they had seen him last; we couldn't believe the place nor the sight that greeted us: The stench of filth, sex, alcohol, rotting garbage, piss and feces, was fucking everywhere, sticking stubbornly to our nostrils and tongues; Kenny was in very bad shape, quietly staring at the wall across from where he was sitting in the alley, surrounded by homeless people; he was thinner, pale and had dark circles under his eyes, which were now glassy and sad; it was obvious that he hadn't eaten, showered or slept in days; he didn't even acknowledge us when we talked to him, that's how bad it was. Kenny had left his house, troubled by what was happening and was currently sleeping anywhere he could; at that moment he was staying in some dark and smelly alley, filled with the forgotten, the abandoned and the filth; Kenny had started drinking and that's when our concern went into high gear, mostly because we knew he was getting to fond of the booze and of the dubious company he was keeping lately, who we suspected were nothing more than junkies and drunks that didn't care that he was a minor. We couldn't get through to him, we knew we had to do something … and fast.

That's when the problems began for me … Worse thing is it was all my fault, after all it had been my idea in the first place and I pressured Kyle to do it; since I wasn't able to spend a lot of time with Kenny because I was coaching the pee wee hockey team from South Park elementary again, only this time as a part time job, and had classes, homework and football practice to attend, I thought it would be the best to have someone keep a close watch on Kenny who was still depressed and struggling, I asked Kyle to make sure that Kenny was all right, to spend as much time with him as he could, to help him out any way he could while I wasn't there; I did my best to be there for him too, don't get me wrong, i visited whenever I could find a little bit of time, I talked to him, listened to him, making sure he was feeling well. Kenny was back to his old self after a while, he had a long and difficult road ahead of him and would take a few steps back in his recovery every now and then, but overall he was feeling better and on his way to being his old self, though there was this melancholy about him now; he would spend a lot of time with Kyle, even sleeping at his house, where they were letting him stay. He had gotten a job at the mall, working at some video game store and his grades were getting better. He was doing well again.

One night I went to Kyle's house; Kyle, Kenny and myself had agreed a week before to rent some movies and hang out at Kyle's house, just the three of us for the whole weekend, like in the good old days of our childhood. I was really looking forward to this and had canceled coaching, practice and even studying, to be with them. I knocked on the door, feeling really excited about this, I even stopped by Blokebuster to get some movies, soda and popcorn for the evening. Ike opened the door and informed me that Kyle had left to go to Clyde's house where he would meet up with Kenny and Craig; apparently Clyde was throwing some party for that Raisin's girl he was dating and had invited the whole gang. Kyle didn't leave any message for me. I thanked Ike and ran to Clyde's house as fast as I could, feeling so pissed that my hands were shaking and my head hurt like hell. When I got there, Clyde answered the door, he greeted me, saying he was glad to see me, he had tried to reach me on my cell phone all day to let me know of the party, but I'd turned the damn thing off since the previous night, not wanting to be bothered by anyone; I interrupted him and demanded to speak to Kyle; Clyde looked alarmed and went in to call him while I waited outside, pacing back and forth on the driveway; Kyle walked out immediately:  
- " Hey dude what's up? " – He said smiling and patting my back – " Good to see you dude! Glad you could make it, come on in! " -

- " I see that our plans mean nothing to you now huh Kyle? Of course, since I'm not Kenny it really isn't important to you anymore. I thought we were best friends " – I'm sure fire was coming out of my eyes as I spoke to him – " No wait, make that Super best friends " – I add sarcastically, putting my hands in my pockets, the shaking was bothering me.

- " Stan what's wrong with you? – He blurted out

- " Let me see? What is wrong? Oh that's right i went to your fucking house like we agreed last week and what do I find? Little Ike telling me you left with fucking Kenny to some stupid party! That's what's wrong you fucking jew! So much for being super best friends forever! " – I scream poking his forehead. I have never called Kyle a jew before and I regret it immediately.

- " Dude what are you talking about?, we are super best friends! You know you are the most important person in the world to me! " – He looked at me, confused, but still managed to try to comfort me – " Dude you told me you would call! You said that if you didn't call it meant you couldn't make it this weekend!!! Remember?! – He tried to put his arm around my shoulder, I just pushed him away.

- " No we are not friends anymore Kyle! Not anymore! What's wrong with you, you stupid stinking jew?! You don't know how much I fucking hate you Kyle!!!

- " I am so sorry Stan! " – He was now pale and wide eyed – " You never called like you said you would, so I figured you weren't able to cancel coaching or practice or both, that's why I told Clyde I'd come here " -

- " Oh really? If it was important to you, why didn't you call me?! You know something Kyle for someone so smart you can be so fucking stupid – Kyle continued to apologize, getting flustered and anguished; I couldn't believe he had forgotten about our plans, it was so unlike him. Kenny came out a bit after and tried to joke around with me; to make things worse Cartman decided to come out at that moment to start mocking me about Kyle being stolen by his new boyfriend Kenny; Kyle of course punched him looking very pissed and told me that it was a lie, Kenny said it was a lie too; Cartman continued to poke fun at my expense and called me an emo fag several times, he started singing some retarded song about me being Kyle's dumped boyfriend, it was obvious that he was very drunk, this only added to the already volatile rage I was feeling; thoughts rushed into my mind fueling it, voices that told me that Kenny was trying to steal Kyle away from me, voices laughing at me for believing Kyle, voices taunting me for acting like a jealous fag. I pushed Kenny away from me, making him land on his ass; he just lay there on the grass, laughing his ass off. Then i turned my attention to Cartman, who was now singing some stupid song about me ass humping Kyle. I punched him right in the face a couple of times; Kyle tried to calm me down but i just punched him in the gut and told him the most horrible things i could think of, calling him a stupid jew again. I continued to punch Cartman over and over on his sides, back, head and fat limbs, soon i had him pinned down to the ground, he put his arms defensively over his head and face; my anger was not fading; i punched and punched until the pain in my hands was too much to bare. I stood up and glared at Kenny and Kyle, flipping them off before giving Cartman one last and hard kick in the balls; he curled into a ball and whimpered, his lip was swollen and he had huge bruises under his eyes and all over his face. I don't know what got into me, i felt so much hate, so much rage, my heart was in a lot of pain, I was very disappointed, jealous and confused. I walked away, my head numb, my hands stinging. I don't remember how i got home or what happened on the way there, but i do know that i locked myself in my room for the rest of that weekend; thank God my parents and Shelley weren't home.

I barely saw them after that, giving in to all the responsibilities and obligations that were consuming my time, I didn't bother to make time for any of them anymore, it wasn't worth it; I had tried that last weekend to send everything to hell to be with my best friends only to be ignored; this really angered me and hurt me more than anything I've ever experienced in my short life, because i loved them dearly and wanted so bad to be with them, to talk to them like before, i often found myself trying to add more hours to my 24 hour day and on the few occasions I was able to be with them they were nowhere to be found or already had plans. I resented their new bond, i hated seeing them smile and joke around, so close and carefree, they no longer needed me or cared for me; i felt forgotten, embarrassed and cheated, i felt so hurt and jealous; this confused me so much and would only add up to my hurt and my anger; … I resented Kenny … But I resented Kyle the most.

- " Why can't I forget? … I wish I could … " – I cover my face with my hands and give in to my tears


	2. Chapter 2

SPfic: Separation

**Chapter Two**

_Regret … Silent reminder of our wrong doing …_

I toss and turn, still unable to sleep; the memories keep coming back to me … Tormenting me … Accusing me … Questioning me … I look at the alarm clock on the night table, the red numbers glowing in the dark, it's 2:08 am – " Why did it have to end like this? Why, goddammit, why? " – I stare at the ceiling for a while.

- " Why did I come here? " – I ask myself again, like so many times before since I moved here; anguish squeezing my heart like a giant fist, desperation hammering my mind – " I feel so fucking unhappy! why is it so damn hard to go back home? " – I scream and hit the matress several times. After all this time it still surprises me how much I miss my old life. The bustling and hustling of a big city doesn't fit me well, even after one year and six months, i can't get used to it. I guess it's the curse ( Or should I call it, the blessing ) of being born and raised in a very small town, with a tight knit community where everyone knows their neighbors. All the noise around day and night and the speedy, superficial lifestyle of the big city makes me sick and troubles me like no one can imagine, unless they themselves come from a small town. All the frivolity, the coming and going, their fake bodies, hearts and minds, the crudeness of ways and the lack of manners, the desperation to have what they can't, the desperation to be seen and known, the infamous 15 minutes of fame. Kids dying to grow fast, to have the latest stuff shoved down their throats by consumerism and the media, desperate to fit in, to be cool; while the adults do their best to desperately retain their youth at all costs, even if it means turning into something monstrous in the end. Shallow beings, vain lives, empty souls; how can anyone like all this? Suddenly I feel so sick about this, that I find myself vomiting on the carpet, the bitter taste making me shudder. I feel empty and alone. I miss my town, my family, my friends … specially my best friend.

- " I wish I was dead! " – I close my eyes again.

The movie in my mind, of memories past continues to play:  
A week after the fight, Cartman stopped talking to all of us. He would go to such lenghts as to cross the street if he saw us walking his way on the same sidewalk, he even changed his schedule so he wouldn't have as many classes with us as possible and if he did have that misfortune, he would sit as far away as he could, especially from me.

By the time we graduated High School, three weeks after the fight, I was no longer speaking to Kenny or Kyle, avoiding them at all costs, even changing my cell phone number. I felt angry, confused and very bitter, so when the opportunity to leave town knocked on my door I took it without second thoughts; a coach from an out of state college had seen me play in one of our school's football matches and he spoke to my coach and to my parents about a future in football, he was offering a scholarship with the package; my father was thrilled and so was Shelley, though not for the same reasons; my mom not so much, I was her baby and she didn't want me to leave home like that. I left South Park as soon as I got my diploma, I had to get away; I thought it was the right thing to do or at least it felt that way right then and there; I didn't tell my friends I was leaving, I didn't say goodbye.

I heard from my mom, a little over a month after I left, that Butters had been sent to some private college out of state with a very strict code of conduct and 24 hour supervision of students, as soon as he finished his stay at the camp, surprisingly this school was not that far away from the school I was attending now; i felt bad for him; I tried to call him at his school, but someone kept asking me to leave a message. The rest of them, my mom told me, went to study to the honorable University of Colorado in South Park, except for Kenny and Craig, who enrolled in South Park Community College, nevertheless all of them would hang out whenever they could. I often think of them, I wonder how they are, what they're doing. I began to regret ever leaving, soon after my first week, when guilt, regret and nostalgia really kicked in. I wanted to go back, scratch that I was dying to go back, but my pride got the best of me. I found myself calling Kyle in the middle of the night, I needed to hear him; but I would hang up on him as soon as I heard him answering, even when he would ask if it was me calling. Even now I wonder if they've forgotten about me, if they need me, if they missed me. I haven't had the balls to ask my mom if any of them had said anything about me leaving town like a burglar, in the middle of the night, I wanted to know if they've asked about me all this time I've been away, if they're still pissed off at me. I kick myself mentally everytime I think of this.

The sun comes through my window, hurting my eyes, I look at the clock, and it's already 7: 00 am. I decide in a heartbeat, that I am not going to school; I have no energy to get out of bed nor am I in the mood to be around people; my eyes begin to sting and I realize that I'm crying; I start to sob loudly and I choke my screams of frustration with my pillow. God help me I don't want to be here. I wish I had said something to Kyle, i wish i could have had the balls to tell him how i felt; i know that what i did was horrible, regret starts eating my heart again, like it has done since the day i left; i know i left him confused, angry and hurt, and i regret it so much; i know he wouldn't forgive me for it. I continue to cry, filled with desperation and hopelessness.  
I pray to God to kill me, I can't go on like this, my world is dark and empty.

The next time I open my eyes I am clinging to my pillow, hugging it tight as if it were a life saver in the middle of my emotional wreck; I turn to my side to face the alarm clock, it's 1: 00 pm now. I check my cell phone and see that I have various messages from my classmates and my coach, I delete them, one by one, without even checking a single one. I don't feel like giving explanations to anyone, instead I call my mom and ask her if she could get Butters cell phone number for me, letting her know that I would call her back in 30 minutes; I have an idea, but I need to clear my mind to plan it well. I take a shower, shave, as I look at myself in the mirror, i notice that I look tired and pale, my hair is a black mess and my baby blue eyes have no life in them; I have to get out of this lame ass place now before desperation gets the best of me and pushes me to do the unthinkable; i don't want my parents to get their son back in a black bag; I have to turn my life around, fix my chain of mistakes, take control and find my joy again. I gather my things, fold my clothes and get my luggage ready. I call my mom, as I said I would, she was able to get Butters cell phone number, she had called Mrs Stotch, who was now living out of town, asking her about the Private school that Butters was attending; she told Mrs Stotch that she really wanted me to enroll in that school because she was not only interested in my academic development, she was worried I was straying away from my religious beliefs, she wanted me to attend a school that also focused on morals, values, and family along with good academic program. She didn't have to ask for Butters' cell phone number, Mrs Stotch offered it to my mom, so that I wouldn't feel so lonely there, she even told my mom, she considered me a good manly influence for Butters … If she only knew. I write down the number and thank my mom, promising her that things were gonna get better. I think my mom knows what's going on, I think she knows how miserable I am here, I think she knows I'm coming back home.

- " This cannot be the end! Please God i don't want this to be the end of it! " – I say aloud – " This will not be the end, I swear I will not let this be the end! " – I make one last call; I grab my things and I head to the closest bus station.

I buy a one way ticket to this unknown town; I sit and wait to board the bus; I'm a young man on a mission, i have a plan and nothing is gonna stop me from fulfilling it. I only had to wait 10 minutes and I was at the private university's campus in less than two hours. I find my way around carefully and call Butters:  
" Uh hello? " – a nervous voice answers at the other end of the line.

" Butters? " – I ask, though I recognize his voice immediately.

" Uh w-who is this? " – He asks.

" Forgot me so soon Butters? I've only been away a year and some months " – I chuckle and wait for him. There's a long silence – " Butters are you there? " – I ask, my voice trembling a bit.

" Uh gees … uh, I'm not allowed to talk to you … Uh s-sorry Stan " – He says hurriedly

" Wait Butters, I have something very important to tell you, please listen to me ok? " – I beg him, praying for him not to hang up; gladly he doesn't.

" Uh jesus Stan better m-make it quick … uh there's a lot of guardians walking the halls during lunch, i-I don't wanna get in trouble " – He says sounding more nervous than before.

" Can you go somewhere safe and quiet, where you can talk freely? "

" uh i-I think I can, wait a bit all right? " - Silence

I wait for him to do that, keeping an eye around me; he responds:

" Ok i-I think I'm safe now Stan " – He giggles nervously, I think I know why, I'm sure this sounded like the biggest lie he'd ever told, he could never be safe there.

" Ok Butters this is what you're gonna do, you are gonna get very sick right now and you're gonna tell these guardians that you need to go to your room to lay down. Once you get to your room, you are gonna pack your belongings as fast as you can and I'm gonna get you out of this shit hole, get that? " – I wait for him to answer, I hear him sigh.

" Uh gees Stan, I don't know … You see I-I don't feel sick at the moment "

" Butters! Pretend that you are sick! Just think of anything that might let you go to your room and pack goddammit! " – I say authoritatively, not wanting to waste more time.

" Uh i-I don't know about this Stan … I mean … what about m-my parents and all " – He sounds like he's gonna lose it, so i take control.

" Butters? "

" Yes? "

" Do you like being here? "

" No "

" Ok then get your ass to your room and do as I fucking say goddammit!!! … " – I'm feeling frustrated and a bit annoyed by his apathy.

" Uh Stan? "

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down and force myself to answer in a patronizing way - " yeah? " -

" Were are you? "

" Right here "

" I know you are on the phone silly… uh I was wondering where are you calling me from? "

" I mean I am right here at your campus Butters, right near the fucking entrance … Now tell me, where are the dorms and how the fuck do I get to your room without getting caught by these guardians? "

Butters gives me directions to his room, as well as info regarding the places most guarded by guardians and the spots where they hide the surveillance cameras. Gladly his roommate is home due to some family tragedy or something and we won't have to worry about that. I walk along the safest path that Butters told me to take, trying to mingle with the rest of the students I encounter; I wait for the coast to clear, so that I can head to the dorm's fire stairs behind the building with a number three on the east corner:  
- " There you are Mr. Cooper! Oh dear I knew you'd get lost! " – A voice comes from behind me, I turn immediately – " So good to see you, your father has told us wonders about you Mr. Cooper " – I am greeted by a tight hug from a plump woman in an old fashioned white shirt and a long pink skirt, her voice is soft and very youthful, she smiles placing her plump hands on my face, she looks so motherly and kind – " Did you have a safe trip my dear? ' – She asks smiling.

I just stare blankly at her, not understanding what's going on, I feel very surprised at the affectionate reception from a total stranger and the fact that this is about to fuck up my plans. I was afraid of getting caught before putting my plan into action, right after I had called Butters lifting his spirits and hopes higher than a kite only to have them crushed below the ground because of my dumb luck. I was determined to overcome this obstacle not without me wondering if it was because I kept refusing to go to church, but discarded the thought because it sounded so stupid. My only option right now is to play along as best as I can.

– " Where are your manners young man? Miss Thomas just asked you a question! " – Came the harsh voice of the tall woman standing right behind her, she looked very mean and stern, her face was long and her nose was crooked and her lips were nothing more than a very thin and straight line; she was wearing a frilly black shirt and a long black skirt. She was piercing my skull with her grayish eyes, they looked like the eyes of the fish at the super market and that thought made me shudder.

– " I apologize ma'am " – I say feeling really embarrassed by this, blushing and looking at my shoes – " I had a very good trip thank you for asking; I'm just a little overwhelmed, I've never been away from home you see " – I say playing along as this Cooper guy.

- " Oh it's all right my dear boy, it's understandable, being away from home and traveling by yourself can be too much for such a young boy. I am Miss Fanny Thomas, I teach algebra, calculus and statistics, and this is Miss Glenda Perkins, she will be your theology studies teacher " –

I extend my hand, meeting hers and shaking it gently, like my mother taught me one should do when introduced to a nice lady – " Pleased to meet you Miss Thomas, you too Miss Perkins " – I motioned for the other woman but she just stood there, motionless, giving me the coldest stare I've ever received in my life; I bow my head, she inspects me from head to toe, I think she knows I'm not this Cooper guy and her next question sure confirms this:

- " You certainly don't dress like the son of an oil tycoon. Tell me how is your mother?, is she back from her trip to Europe? " – She sneers and her face distorts, making her look more bird like than before.

- " Now, now Miss Perkins, kids today have the strangest fashion sense; no need to be so mean to the poor boy on his first day, i'm sure you're exhausted from your trip aren't you dear?, here let us show you to your room.

I let them walk in front of me, there's no way in hell I'm going near that witch; I listen attentively as they show me around, telling me about the different buildings we come across and which rooms are for which classes, as well as the rules and customs of the school. I look at the red brick building with the ivy on the walls and the large number three on the golden colored plaque, and I feel as if luck were smiling at me again, they are taking me to the same building where Butters' dorm room is located. The school is so preppy that they have a small library in each dorm as well as a small kitchen. They introduce me to the Prefect, a lanky, hunched, red haired guy with freckles and a pointy nose that made me feel quite uncomfortable because he was breathing through his mouth the whole time, making a lot of noise and his hand was clammy and cold. He told me the rules, which consisted of basically not being able to do anything except pray and repent almost every minute of your waking hours and dreaming of nothing but jesus while you slept. Both ladies left and the Prefect whose name was Chandler handed me some forms I had to fill out, a student card, my student ID, a map, a schedule, a thick book entitled School Rules, a paperback called Student Guide and guidelines and a leather bible. He finally led me to Cooper's room which was to my luck, only three doors down from Butters', but I noticed that I couldn't walk over to his room because number one I was new and new people from out of state didn't usually know people in their new school, second the hall was packed with students reading the bible and praying in small groups, which made the task of walking around with luggage very suspicious, and third Butters told me about the color codes on the doors which signaled the " status " of this or that student to others Butters' status was " Red for queer ", while Cooper's was " Blue for rich ", red cannot mingle freely with other students, especially not with rich kids. Suspected gay kids were set apart from the rest.  
- " Well here's your room " – Chandler opens the door handing me a copy of the key; he has a bunch of keys hanging from a large silver loop, he looks like the ginger version of St Peter and I had to supress a chuckle – " I have a copy to your room, and of everyone else's room in this building; supper is served at 7: 00 pm sharp, we have night prayers at 8: 00 pm in the main hall over at building B, doors and windows are locked automatically at 8: 15 pm and roll call is at 5: 00 am. May jesus be with you brother Rupert " – He says waving me goodbye as he approached a small group of anxious looking students, who had been waiting for him impatienly, right down the hall..

I wave back and go into the room. " Wait … " – I think to myself – " Did he say Rupert? What kind of a fucked up name is that? Who'd pick such a crappy name for their kid? And I thought Stanley Randall was bad? … - Another thing strikes me – " Roll call? Wait what is this a nazi concentration camp? " – I shake off these thoughts and look at my wrist watch, - " shit! We only have close to one hour to get the fuck out of here! " - I open the window and look around, there's no one outside at the moment – " The coast is clear … luck please don't fail me now " –

I get out carefully and walk down the steps, running to the ones just three doors down; i climb quickly, trying not to draw attention to myself, climbing the steps as quietly and safely as I can, all the while looking around to make sure no one's following me; I feel nervous, tense and anxious; when i finally reach Butters' dorm room window, I tap softly on the glass:  
" Ready? " – I ask him as soon as he opens the window to let me in, thanking the heavens for such a large widow; I'm really happy to see him again after all this time, I take a good look at him and my heart sinks, he is somewhat hunched, thin, he looks apalled and lost, his once bright eyes look sorrowful and opaque, his beaming smile gone. I take a look around his room, when I notice that me staring is making him feel awkward and uncomfortable; this room is rather small, and I immediately think that this has got to be the ugliest room I've ever been in, with its dull gray colored walls, the paint peeling at the bottom, its white colored ceiling with small water stains near the corners; no carpet, just dark wood, the furniture consisted of nothing more than a small bed, placed against the farthest wall, a small desk right next to the window and a drawer next to the closet near the door; it looks more like a jail cell than a student's dorm room, not to mention that it's a very dark and claustrophobic room, the perfect place where one could be driven to hang ones self without second thoughts.

" S- Stan? " – He says beaming – " I thought this was a j-joke, oh gees is this really happening? " – He says rushing towards me and clinging to me, shaken with emotion.

" Joke? Butters who do you take me for? I'm Stan remember, not Cartman " – I say pretending to be aggravated – " This is really happening Butters, trust me " – I say hugging him. I can hear him cry and I reassure him that everything is gonna be all right, that I am gonna take him home to Kenny … Kenny, that name sounds so foreign on my lips. I feel something squeezing my heart tightly, Butters notices and asks:  
" Uh y-you all right there Stan … Is something the matter? " – He suonds genuinely concerned.

" Yeah, I'm ok dude … I just … All these memories came rushing to me just now … I can't believe I'm right here with you, about to get your out of this damn place " – I tell him as I smile, giving him a soft punch on the shoulder. It is so relieving to be near him

" What's gonna happen now Stan? " – His eyes have lost that sparkle that always characterized them.

" We're gonna go back to South Park, we're gonna go home … You're gonna be safe Butters, I promise you that " – I hug him again, not only to comfort him but because I need it too. I let him go and look at him.

" Uh Stan? … Um why did you leave South Park?

I try to look for the words but I find myself unable to speak

There's a sudden knock on the door and we both freeze in panic; we look at each other, wide eyed, our mouths agape; he snaps out of it first, hidding his luggage underneath his bead, then he motions for me to go into the closet and keep quiet. He jumps quickly on his bed and answers in a grief striken voice:  
" P-Please … C-Come in " - Followed by a coughing sound.

I hear a man's voice and a woman's voice ask him about how he's feeling, it seems that the female voice is that of a guardian or teacher and she doesn't seem to be falling for Butters sudden illness; while the male voice must be the school's doctor, telling by the kinds of questions he's asking; him on the other hand sounds genuinely concerned about him. It takes them a while to leave the room, making me panic because this place has some sort of stupid curfew and the doors and windows get locked after a certain hour to prevent students from venturing out at night.  
- " Come on you damn fucks get the hell out of here! Shit, shit shit! " – I think to myself, trying hard to control the urge to storm out and knock the intruders out; I feel frantic and desperate.

I suddenly hear one of them approaching the closet, my heart beats faster, I feel like I'm gonna pass out form the anguish; the person simply rests against the closet door, It creaks a bit due to the weight. I try to control my breathing, avoiding making any noises; I feel my heart in my throat, my head feels heavy and my hands are clammy and cold; I don't want to ruin this.  
-" No God, please don't let them catch us, please I beg you, help us dear God! This isn't happening, this can't be happening; Oh God why? Why?! " – I ask in my mind, closing my eyes and pressing the bridge of my nose, trying to remember a prayer to help me.

I am taken out of my thoughts by the sudden opening of the closet door; I don't know how long has it been since I went into the closet, i can't help but jump believing that I was getting caught by one of these visitors and my mind starts to race, thinking of something to do, I don't want my plan to fail miserably, I want to get him out of this hell hole and I must do it no matter what. Soon I am taken out of my shock by Butters' soft voice letting me know that the visitors had left; I guess I must look terrified because he asks me if I was ok.  
" Uh gees Stan why are you so pale? Uh do you feel a-all right? "

" Y- Yes butters I was just running out of air " – I lie trying to calm down – " Let's get the fuck out of this shit hole " – I check my wrist watch – " We have to hurry up dude, we only have 20 minutes left before they close the doors, come on let's grab your things " -

I get out of the small closet and we begin the difficult task of taking Butters' luggage out of the room. I can't believe how much crap he took with him. Four damn suitcases, a light blue messenger bag with a laptop inside, a tote bag and a back pack; I get out of the room first, carrying some of the suitcases, I wait for Butters to pass me the remaining ones, which I put next to me; Once he makes sure everything he owns is out, he gets out of the room and we start walking down the steps, trying our best to stay calm and alert, while we walk as fast as we can. I can't help but think that Butters is so much like a girl, and I'm suddenly struck by the memory of that time we made him dress like a girl to steal the girls' future telling device; i stop myself from chuckling, but allow myself to smile. Every sound makes us jump, the trail out of campus seems never ending. We were half way near the campus' entrance, when we hear someone yell " Runaway " and a whistle blowing, followed by more voices and footsteps that seem to be approaching us; I turn around and see Chandler running towards us, with Miss Perkins right behind him.

- " Run Butters and don't fucking look back you hear me?! Go, go, go!!! " – I command, taking the lead.

- " Uh y-yes sir!!! " – Comes Butters nervous voice, he sounds as determined as I am to get the fuck out of that loony bin he had been staying in for the past year.

- " That crazy bitch is right behind us Butters, run faster!!! " – I bark at him.

- " Uh she's not the worse, should've met Miss Thomas, she's the devil incarnate, they don't call her Torquemada for nothing!!! " – He cries.

- " Stop right there you two! Stop right now! " – I see Miss Thomas screaming; she's right behind the rest of our chasers, having trouble catching up, she looks pissed and more evil than that skinny crow looking Miss Perkins.

- " Go, go, go!!! " – I scream again pulling at his shirt to make him run faster.

We start running faster than before, me leading the way towards the rental car I had left parked some blocks away from campus; adrenaline pumping in our veins, the luggage didn't seem to bother us as we flee. We don't stop until we reach the car; no time to open the trunk, I scramble with the keys, dropping them a couple of times because my hands are shacking too much; I'm finally able to open the back door and we just throw the luggage in, rushing to the front seats; I start the car and speed away, none of us looking back, we just laugh and scream feeling victorious  
- "We did it Butters! We fucking did it! "- I scream shaking him a bit

- "I'm free Stan, I'm finally free! How can I ever thank you? " – He hugs me and I pat him on the back with my free hand trying to reassure him that things were gonna get better for him, that he was not alone, that he could count on me … And in doing so, I was reassuring myself …

- " South Park here we come! " – I scream at the top of my lungs feeling ecstatic.

- " Yeah! " – Came Butters voice – " Ready or not! " -

This has been the best day I've had in almost two years. Some miles after, we look at each other, still sweaty, exhausted, but smiling; one thing I will never forget, for as long as I live will be the twinkle in Butters' eyes at the thought of being free, of being with a long time friend again, of being saved, of going home … We were both going home …


End file.
